Hope
by speedfanatic05
Summary: To move on is easier said than done....


Hope

Disclaimer: I don't own any of the original characters of CSI. They are the property of CBS and Alliance, and that brilliant man, Jerry Bruckheimer.

Pairings: None

Warning: None

Rating:FRT ( just in case)

Summary: To move on is easier said than done...

She sat at the window for what seemed like forever, staring out into the calm Miami evening, the gentle breeze blowing through the trees. The warm Miami winter did nothing for her Christmas spirit, the mere fact that there were people walking around in shorts made her scowl in disbelief. No matter how long she had been in Miami, she could never get used to Christmas here. It was a far different atmosphere here.

Sighing heavily, she watched as the sun began to make its retreat behind a bank of clouds, causing dusk to arrive, and the prompt awakening of the lights from her neighbor's house. A small smile appeared as she continued to stare across the street, lost in her memories of Christmases past with him. The smile dwindled some as she brought herself to the present, looking down at the bare finger that once was encircled with the set that he gave her on their wedding day. That was the best day of her life, the happiness that she felt and the love that poured from them both, spilling into her all at once. A tear dropped at the flashbacks; the laughter, countless intimate moments between the two of them, and then the sudden emergence of the fights. Calleigh could concede that she could be a handful when she wanted to be, but it was nothing in comparison when it came to him. No, he was in a category all by himself, his ways of keeping others at bay, while at the same time reeling them in with his charm. She often marveled at how he could function in that way, but then she realized that it was just who he was, and ultimately, who she fell in love with. His complexity was what drew her to him in the first place. For Calleigh, it was all about the challenge of something unattainable, and at the time, fighting for his love was her conquest.

Soon, the other lights began to come on, the faint glow from them illuminating her street. During the past few weeks, she had watched with reminiscent eyes as the families bonded together in the sacred time honored tradition of adorning the house with the all too familiar greetings of the seasons. He never really liked putting them up, but on her insistence, he did it anyway, loving the smile that she always had for him upon completion of his job. Again, Calleigh smiled as she remembered him, mumbling as he climbed up the ladder to fix the lights to the house, and then promptly standing back to admire his work with a satisfied smile , his arms around her as she stood in front of him. Every year, it had been that way, the unsurmountable happiness that seemed to intensify during the holidays. Only in recent years had she begun to see a change in him and it finally came to a head just six months ago.

"Let it go, Cal," she said shakily to herself as she stood up, slowly, the kleenex in her hands torn to shreds. She never understood why she did this to herself, filling herself with questions and doubts about her actions. Their relationship had faltered badly, and she being who she was, couldn't find herself staying in it just to pacify. If there was something wrong, she wanted to fix it or get out. Apparently, he had felt the same way , not offering or seemingly wanting to go the extra effort to put it back together.

The phone rang, jarring Calleigh out of her fugued state, her head snapping in the direction of the kitchen. Her first thought was to let the machine pick it up, but then she realized that it could be family calling to wish her a Merry Christmas, and try and bring good tidings and joy to her. She had wanted them to be at the fringe of the break up, but it being her family, she knew better . They would be there for her, even if she didn't ask.

Crossing the floor in her socks, she wiped at her eyes once more, glancing into the bare living room that once shone with a spectacular Christmas tree, feeling her heart drop. She had been so used to Christmas with him, she never would fathom one without him, but here she was , journeying into uncharted territory, with nothing but a broken heart to steer her.

"Hello?" she asked, the tears evident in her voice. She closed her eyes, knowing that whoever was on the other end , would instantly know that she had been subjecting herself to the past, and she didn't want or need a babysitter tonight. All she wanted was to be alone.

"Cal?" came a distant gruff voice, the concern wafting through the phone line, "are you alright?"

"Tim," Calleigh sighed as she opened her eyes , a small smirk coming over her face. "I'm fine. How are you doing?"

" Great, actually. Things have been going well for me here in New York, I just got a promotion."

"Tell me you didn't make Lieutenant, Tim," Calleigh stated, the smile growing. The sadness seemed to subside more as she leaned up against the sink. Tim had left Miami for New York six years ago, and had found happiness there and a wife. They kept up with each other through the years, and he even came to her wedding with his wife ,Samantha, who was pregnant with their first child. She saw a new man in Tim, and was genuinely happy for him. Miami was beginning to wear on him, and she was glad that he had found what he was looking for.

" I did, but it didn't come easily. I had to bust ass."

Calleigh chuckled a bit as she pulled her hair behind her ear, her smile widening, " I see we haven't lost our sense of humor in it all. How are Sam, Angela, and Rebecca?"

" They are fine," Tim answered with a satisfied sigh. " Rebecca is now on the move, and unstoppable. The little girl is fast."

"What's the matter, Speed, the wind getting knocked out of your sails?"

" It's not like that, Cal. She's just a force to be reckoned with is all. I don't remember being that fast when I was little."

"You'd be surprised now and days, Tim,"Calleigh answered as she heard the call waiting beep in. She pulled the phone away from her ear to glance at it, seeing the familiar number as it flashed. She put the phone back to her ear quickly, trying her best to ignore the beeping, hearing Tim speaking. The line went silent and she strained to hear if he had hung up, asking, " Tim?"

"Calleigh, is everything alright?" Tim asked, the concern coming stronger.

"Everything's fine, Tim. Everyone at the lab is doing well, Eric is being well, Eric, and Valera..."

"Calleigh, I asked if you were doing alright," Tim interrupted.

" I said I was fine," Calleigh insisted, her accent slipping somewhat. Her voice no longer carried the strength that she was trying to portray and she closed her eyes against the onslaught of tears that were soon to follow.

"Your voice tells me different, Cal. I heard about what happened between you and Jake... I'm sorry..."

"There's nothing to be sorry for, Tim. We figured out that we weren't a good match, and we did the best thing possible,"Calleigh tried as her voice began to shake more. How she was able to tell a bold face lie like that and retain some stability was beyond her. " It was best for us both."

" Sure, I believe that," Tim retorted.

"What are you saying, Tim?"

" Calleigh, I know how much you love Jake. Splitting up is the last thing that you wanted to do," Tim answered matter of fact. " That's not what you do, Calleigh. You fight for what's yours."

" There was no more fighting left for me to do, Tim," Calleigh conceded. At that precise moment, the flood gates opened and she poured her tears and sadness out, almost unable to hold the phone. She put her free hand up to her eyes, trying to hold the tears at bay, but the burst forth anyway and she had no choice but to let them out and run its course. When it was evident that she was through for the moment, she sighed heavily and returned her attention back to the phone, terrified that Tim had hung up. " Tim?"

"I'm here, Calleigh," he stated simply. Calleigh could practically hear his wheels turning on how to get to her. " Is there anyone you can stay with this weekend? Alexx , maybe?"

" I'm fine here, Tim. Besides, Alexx has a house full over there, I would just be in the way."

"Well, what about Delko, Valera, even Wolfe..."

"Tim, it's Christmas Eve. Folks have families to attend to. I'm fine , really."

"Calleigh, you shouldn't be alone tonight. Not tonight," Tim huffed. Calleigh could hear the slight sounds of a little girl laughing and wiped at her eyes as a smile reappeared.

"Maybe it's what I need, Tim. Maybe I need time to get my bearings, to get a sense of where I'm at now. I'm fine," Calleigh followed up with a slight laugh that sounded more nervous and less confident. "Really."

"Calleigh, no one expects you to recover quickly from this, you don't have to be super woman."

"I'm not being a super woman, Speedle. I'm just readjusting."

" To move on is easier said than done," Tim said knowingly.

"What did you say?" Calleigh asked, stopping her hand in mid wipe, listening harder.

" To move on is easier said than done. You may want to try and hide the pain from the rest of the world, Cal, but we know. We've all been through it one time or another. We all have experienced the pain of losing someone you love."

"You make it seem like he died, Tim. We are getting a divorce, that's all. I think I can weather it fair enough."

"Really?" Calleigh could practically see his eye brow arch at the question. "Tell me, and be truthful about it, Cal. What were you doing before I called?"

"Nothing."

" Nothing, huh? You sure you weren't looking at the Christmas lights across the street and thinking about the past?"

Calleigh took the phone away from her ear and gazed at it in shock. How the hell did he know what she was doing? " Tim, how did you..."

" I know you , Calleigh. I know that deep under that bullet girl exterior lies a woman who feels , and feels deeply. Anyone with eyes could tell that you and Jake were made for each other, and now to see that suddenly disappear, it has to be hard for you. And you analyze everything... It's a no brainer."

Calleigh stood straight up and walked to the window, seeing the faint glow of the lights as it turned the sky into a purple haze, looking out . There was only one explanation to his knowledge about what she was doing, and it had nothing to do with how much he knew her, "Are you sure that you aren't in Miami?"

"I'm in New York, Calleigh, but that doesn't hinder me from still being able to read you like a book. That will never change."

She remained silent for a while , hearing the noise in his background as it got louder, filling with more activity. Again, her tears forced their way back up, and trickled down her cheek. She put a hand up to stifle a cry and gathered herself quickly. Tim was right, it hadn't been easy for her to move on, despite it was what Jake was doing. It seemed as if he had just let the marriage fall apart and stepped away from it unscathed, all the while Calleigh having to deal with the pain of failure all by herself. It wasn't fair to her to have to go through this alone, but she knew that she would have to.

" You are right, Tim," she sniffled as she retained her sight on the lights. Their different styles called to her, beckoning her back into the familiarity of it all. " But how do I do it, Tim? How does it get easier?"

"One day at a time , Cal. No one expects for you to just rise from the ashes of this and keep going as if nothing happened. It's just not possible, and I'm speaking from experience."

"You're going to talk about us now, aren't you?"

" How did you know?" Tim asked, the sarcasm heavy. " But it speaks to your situation now. What we had was great while it lasted, but you knew that it wasn't what you wanted. When we broke it off, I was devastated, even though, I tried to show the world otherwise. I tried to push it away from me so that I didn't have to deal with it, and when it was time for me to deal with it, I wanted it to be over with. Moving on is what I wanted to do, but was unable to do for a long time. It was a miserable existence."

" I remember," Calleigh said softly, dropping her head. All the memories of their time together came flooding back as well as the remembrance of Tim during this time. He had become withdrawn from them all, and remained to himself. Calleigh had worried that he wouldn't come out of it, but he did. "I'm sorry , Tim."

"Nothing to be sorry about, Calleigh. It was a life lesson that I learned, and one that I'm grateful for. It hurt for a long time, but in the end , I realized that life was much more than pain, and that with each day, it would get better. You'll see, Cal. It will get better."

The sounds of the activity got louder as he heard a slight scuffle and then the sound of the little girl's voice,, "ello? Ello?"

" Becca," Tim scolded as there was another slight skirmish. " Calleigh?"

"I'm here, Tim. I think you have an irate little girl to get to. I'll let you go," Calleigh said, her smile returning faintly. "Thanks."

" You're welcome , Calleigh. And remember, anytime you want to talk, don't hesitate to call."

Calleigh nodded at the sincerity in his voice and knew that she had a good friend in him, " I will, Tim."

"Calleigh?"

"Yeah?"

"Merry Christmas," Tim said , as Calleigh imagined the grin that was probably on his face.

"Merry Christmas to you, Tim. And thanks again."

"It's nothing. Take care, Calleigh."

"Okay, you do the same. Tell Sam and Angela I said hi for me," Calleigh said as she heard Becca talking more. Tim said a few words to his daughter then concluded the conversation with Calleigh, leaving her with silence. She took the moment to think about what he said and turned to the lights, seeing them perhaps with a new vision.

Hanging up the phone, she let a smile come over her completely and grabbed her keys and shoes , heading out of the door. She was sure that Alexx would have an extra place setting for her at the table, she saying as much before the end of shift a day ago. With her heart still somewhat heavy, she opened the door to her home and walked out, a new sense coming about her. Tim had given her the best present ever, one that could never be replaced. He gave her hope .

The End


End file.
